Surrendering to the pain
by Dark Goddess
Summary: It starts of really stupid but gets better at the end
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Flame of Recca is not mine. I'm broke and I ain't making no money offa this so don't sue. It would be fruitless. 

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Surrendering to the pain

Hanabishi Recca sat down on a bench. He watched as Yanagi fed some birds. He turned his head when he heard a loud screech. There he saw Fuuko and Domon fighting, as usual. Kage Houshi was siting next to him looking at Yanagi. They were waiting for two people to arrive.

"Oi Recca-niichan I found him!" Koganei Kaoru called out waving his hands. Behind him walking in a slower pace with his hands in his pocket was one Mikagami Tokiya. His hair in a high pony tail looking very handsome.

"Where were you?" Domon asked eyeing the swordsman suspiciously. "We had a meeting at two and we had to get Koganei to find you."

"My affairs are none of your concern, Gorilla." Tokiya answered coldly. 

"Gorilla! Listen you-" 

"Konichiwa, Mikagami-sempai." Yanagi said dense and cheery as ever. Tokiya's features softened and a microscopic twitch of a smile appeared on his rigid face. 

"Konichiwa Yanagi." Tokiya said softly. Yanagi smiled brightly.

"Why were you so late?" Yanagi asked. 

"I had a few affairs that I couldn't get way from right away," He replied. Yanagi smiled again and returned to the birds.

"Why is he so nice to Yanagi-chan and so mean to everyone else?" Domon whinnied to Fuuko, whose facevaulted. 

"Because he knows that if he hurts my Hime he'll have to answer to me!" Recca said proudly. "Hanabishi Recca!"

At this moment everyone sweatdropped. While Tokiya closed his eyes letting out a loud humph.

"Why would I be afraid of a sea monkey?" Tokiya asked calmly. Recca glared at swordsmen.

"All right, all right." Kage Houshi, "Let's change the subject to why you're all here." 

Everyone nodded and moved closer to her, except for Tokiya who stayed away as far as possible. Kage Houshi began to explain why she had called them all to her. Everyone listened and added their opinion whenever it was needed. 

After they were finished Fuuko sat down and began to talk to Recca and Domon, until they pissed her off and then they began to fight. Tokiya sighed; he turned, beginning to leave without saying a word.

"Oi!" Kaoru called out, making Fuuko, Domon, and Recca stop bickering. "Tokiya-niichan! Where are you going?" No answer. "Tokiya-niichan!" Kaoru began to run after him.

"Don't bother." Domon said making Kaoru stop his chase. The one fanged boy turned his attention to Domon. His small face a mixture of confusion and annoyance.

"Why?" 

"Because a snob like Mikagami will never want a punk like you anywhere around him."

"Yeah." Fuuko agreed, still mad at Tokiya about what had happened a few days ago. "Don't you know that a heartless jerk like him will never care about anybody?" she screamed loud enough for Tokiya to hear. She received no response from the longhaired boy. She folded her arms and let out a long Humph. "See? You'd get more emotion out of block of ice." 

Kaoru rolled his eyes and chased after Tokiya calling out his name and asking him to wait. Fuuko rolled her eyes.

"I don't know why he bothers." Fuuko said as she stalked off in the other direction. 

Yanagi watched Fuuko walk away. She looked at Recca and sat down next to him. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear before specking.

"Recca-kun?" Yanagi asked. Recca looked at her. "What's wrong with Fuuko-chan?" Recca sighed.

"She's still pissed off at what Mikagami said to her a few days ago." Recca replied in a matter of fact kind of way. Domon began to fume.

"How dare he say such things about my glorious Fuuko-chan!" Domon began to rant. "He does not deserve to live after what he said. I will avenge Fuuko's honor!" With that said Domon ran off, beginning his plans of revenge and laughing like an idiot. Recca, Yanagi, and Kage Houshi all sweatdropped at this. Then let out a long collective sigh. After a few minutes of silence Yanagi turned to Recca once more.

"Recca-kun?" she said, calling his attention to her. "What did Mikagami-sempai say?" Recca smiled slightly and shook his head.

"I cannot say, for your ears are to delicate for such profanity," he said as he put his hands over her ears. Yanagi smiled.

"Arigato Recca-kun." 

"For what?"

"For being so considerate of my ears." Kage Houshi stood up and began to walk away.

"I must be going now, I have a few errands to run." She said, "Syonara Recca, Yanagi."

"Jaa Ka-chan." Recca said waving good bye. Yanagi bowed her head politely as she said her good bye. 

_I am tired,_ he thought as he walked towards the bridge. _I am tired of this facade that is my life._He stopped in the middle of the bridge and leaned against the railing looking down at his reflection in the water. _My life is an endless cycle of pain and anguish. I can't take it anymore._

He climbed over the railing and stood on the small edge, between life and oblivion. He looked at the water, so inviting, ready to envelop him in its depths, ready to ease his aching soul. He closed his eyes and moved a foot off the edge, beginning to loosen his grip on the railing.

"_Don't you know that a heartless jerk like him will never care about anyone_?" How little she knew. "_See? You'd get more emotion from a block of ice._" Of course she knew so little, he never told anyone about his true feeling.

He never told her that he was tired of the pain, the mourning, the solitude. He never told her how much he envied Hanabishi and Ishijima for what they had. He never told her how much it hurt him to look at Yanagi and see his sister. How hard it was for him to keep from breaking down into tears, wrapping his arms around the girl and just crying.

He never told her how much he'd wish to be able to feel her arms around him. To feel her body so close to his. To run his fingers through her purple hair. How much he yearned for her to chase the monsters away. The monsters who wouldn't let him sleep at night. The monsters who left him scared and shivering in his bed, knees to his chest, tears cascading uncontrollably down his face. 

He never would tell her these things. He let go of the railing and let himself fall. He closed his eyes and awaited the impact. He fell towards the painless oblivion that awaited him. He smiled. His life would soon come to end. Its not like anyone would miss him. No one had cared for him. He had no reason to live, so he was ending it. He was ending what those murders had begun, but weren't able to finish.

Now as he plummeted he realized that there was no hope for him in this world and that he was doing the right thing. Never again would he cause pain to anyone that he cared about. 

_No one cares for me. But why would they? I never show any feeling to them—to her. Why would they—she care for me? I don't deserve any of these things. This is the right thing. The right thing…_


	2. I bring you suffering

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I bring you suffering 

Darkness. Nothing but darkness. Everywhere he looked there was darkness. Was this what death was like? No, he wasn't dead. He was alive. He had survived again. He had once again been denied of the one thing he wanted. Peace. 

Peace from the anguish, peace from the guilt, peace from his own aching heart. The peace had not come. He was still alive and could feel his lungs filling with air that very moment. He was wakening.

Fuuko held Tokiya's nose tightly between her index finger and thumb as she blew into his mouth. She looked at his light blue face wondering if she had taken to long. Then pushed the thought to the back of mind, concentrating on the limp body in front of her. She pushed down on his chest, forcing his lungs to work. 

She stopped when she heard a faint cough. She moved back and watch as he opened his eyes, coughing up water. She helped him sit up, the smile on her face broadening as she saw that he was going to be okay.

He looked at her with those cold blue eyes of his. Never saying a word, still recovering from his never death experience. This made Fuuko angry, she tried to containing herself knowing that it would be best to wait until he had fully recovered, but she couldn't.

"What the Fuck is wrong with you?" Fuuko screamed.

She was wet, breathless, and angry and he knew it. Looking into her fiery blue eyes, he couldn't help but wonder what would happen if he would... He shook his head and pushed the thought out of his mind. Anyway, she was too angry to even talk to at the moment. She had every right to be angry but yet he was angry too. He was angry at her for saving his life. She had no right to; she should have minded her own business. She should of let him die.

"Answer me, asshole!" Fuuko demanded. Tokiya snorted.

"Leave me alone." He replied trying to stand up but finding himself to weak to move.

"Leave you alone!" She yelled as she threw her arms up in exasperation. "Bastard, you tired to kill yourself. How can I leave alone?" 

"It's none of your business." Tokiya said coldly, "It has nothing to do with you. Anyway since when have you cared about me." 

The minute he said that he knew he had made a mistake. Fuuko was thoroughly pissed off now. He was pretty sure of the fact that physical abuse was coming and ready himself for the up coming blow to the face, but nothing happened.

He tuned his face back to Fuuko and looked into her eyes. The anger had subsided and was now replaced with hurt. He could see that he had hurt her. He cursed himself mentally, yet not letting her see that he was upset.

"Is that what you think, Mi-chan?" Fuuko asked, she almost sounded like a wounded animal. Tokiya looked away. He couldn't stand looking into those wounded eyes. He felt as if he had kicked a puppy. "Well if that's what you think, you're wrong. You're wrong! Do you hear me? WRONG!" She grasped his chin with her thumb and index finger and turned his face back to hers. "I've always cared about you."

"Ch'. Why should I believe you?" He asked eyeing her suspiciously, "You're just saying that because I tried to kill myself. You pity me and I don't want it."

"That's not true!" she yelled at him letting go of his face. He turned away from her again. 

"Don't lie to me, Kirisawa." Tokiya said beginning to stand up. "And don't pity me. I need, nor want neither." Fuuko raised her head and looked at Tokiya. Her eyes wet with tears. Her hands squeezing her shirt tightly. She stood up and walked around him so she could face him. 

"I'm not lying." She choked out. "I don't know what made you think that no one cares for you, but I want you to get one thing straight Mikigami Tokiya. I care about you so does Kaoru or haven't you noticed it yet? The way he follows you around. And I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you, Mi-chan." She wrapped her arms around his waist burying her face in his chest. "I don't know why? But I want to know why and I'll do anything. I'll do anything to help you get over this—this death wish. I'll do anything. Just—just let me in, please Mi-chan. Please don't try and kill yourself anymore. Let me help you." 

With those words she finally broke down and cried, burying her face deeper into his chest. She just kept repeating the same words over and over. "Just let me help, Mi-chan. Just let me help." Her arms squeezing tighter around his waist.

Tokiya looked down at the girl holding him. His heart ached. He tried to put his arms around her, but found that he couldn't. He sighed, feeling the ache in his chest grow by each passing moment. He closed his eyes tightly. Ignoring the stinging in his eyes, he pushed Fuuko off of him and began to walk away.

"Mi-chan?" she asked as she watched him leave. He stopped and turned his head.

"Don't you think you've said enough?" He asked her. "Please do me the favor of leaving me alone." He began to walk again, ignoring the pain in his chest and the sound of Fuuko's sobs. He closed his eyes forcing the tears back. He hadn't cried since that day, when they took his sister from him and he would _not_ start now. He began to walk faster, trying to forget the feeling of Fuuko's arms around him.

_Why'd it have to be her who found me?_ He asked himself as he began to pick up speed. _Why couldn't it have been someone else? Anyone else? Why must I continue to live? I only cause pain in the lives of the people that I care about._

The image of Fuuko sitting there, eyes full of hurt crept into his mind and he began to fight the tears away again. His legs beginning to pump faster. 

_I was cursed to suffer. _He thought, _But not you, Fuuko. I never want to see you like that again. Yet I will continue to see you in such anguish as long as I live. Why? Why? Why? It was so much easier before I met them. Before I met Hanabishi, before I met Yanagi, Konganei, Ishijima, Kage Houshi, before I met you, Fuuko. _

He turned his head back looking at that small speak that was Fuuko. He could still see her sorrowful face in his mind. Sorrows that he had brought on. He was not worthy to live. He was not worthy to know her. Why was he cursed to suffer, to make others suffer?

Fuuko watched as Tokiya began to run away. She could feel her heart screaming for her to chase after him, but she knew she couldn't. He would just push her away again. Like he did to everybody else around him. 

_Mi-chan no baka. _She thought. Her eyes never moving from that small speak that was Mikigami Tokiya. _You don't realize what you have. You're so wrapped up in your own self-loathing that you haven't realized what I have realized about you so long ago. _

She began to walk away, slowly at first but then faster. She remember the miserable look on his face. She remember how stiff he became when she held him. She had noticed the way he looked at her when had said those words.

_Mi-chan you might be able to fool Recca and Domon into thinking that you're a cold-hearted snob, but not me. Not anymore._ She thought, _You have a heart, those were feelings you just expressed to me. I can see how lonely and afraid you are. But you don't have to worry. 'Cause I'm here for you Mi-chan and no matter how hard you push me away I'll never leave your side. I swear this to you Mi-chan._

Owari


End file.
